Saturday, January 7, 2012

Lost in the woods

I consider myself to be a happily married woman.

I do not understand most other couples - why they are together, what makes them tick, why are they friends with each other, let alone me.

Then there is the scenario where another couple decides they want to be friends with I am my partner.

But here's the problem: THEY ARE CRAZY DYSPHUNCTIONAL.

The wife, to be here named Ricki and the husband, here Brody, have been married for over three years, together for over 8 and all I have to say is that they are happy in the sense that Dunham always has the notion that those in upper Wisconsin LOVE winters full of snow and ice and freezing weather.

I've seen them fight. I've seen them verbally bash the hell out of their spouse  - WITH THEIR SPOUSE SITTING NEXT TO THEM!!!! I see them as miserable, and only just coming to this conclusion, and having been with them as they came to this conclusion that each of them had changed  - not into OTHER people - but changed enough so that they were unhappy with one another - not trusting each other, or truly themselves but now they are also willing to work towards the betterment of their marriage.

This working towards betterment is KILLING my Soul and the Heart of my marriage by more than mere inches.

I like friends...they're decent people I suppose...but I can't stand how morbose and miserable they are. I feel like there's no middle ground with them.
Ricki wants to set rules to make sure we are all on even ground, and she won't bend or break them, even if it would help her cause - and Brody bends almost ALL of the rules almost ALL of the time.

I just wanted simple friends...can't I have one boring pair of married friends?

INSERT THE UNIVERSE LAUGHING AT ME - <No, you can't. =] Cheers.>

I want everything to be happy again.
I want to sleep.
I want to be able to sleep happily again.
I miss writing.

I am sad...I might lose my friends, my job and my family is oh so helpful...."oh we're so glad you lost that 40 lbs! you look so great now!"

I worry about my marriage....I worry about my sanity...and then later...after all that - I worry about the financials.

If I lose my job what will I do afterwards?

And when I go to Vegas, if ever, I'll go as Margarita Salt...

I'm shaking...I'm so nervous and angry and frustrated and shot to hell....I miss being comfortable in my own shoes...socks...can I bawl now?

Until again.....

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